Who else out there remembers Jack Handey? It was one of my favorite things on Saturday Night Live. I found some Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey that I wanted to share with all of you. I thought with the new work week about to begin, you could all use some laughs :)

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Well, I hope everyone has been enjoying this nice weather. I could do without this wind today. I wanted to share a joke I got in my email recently. It cracked me up, so I hope it will bring a smile to someone's face :)

A small zoo in Tennessee obtained a very rare species
of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very
difficult to
handle.

Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the
problem. The gorilla
was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla
available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought
of

Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker
responsible for cleaning
the animal cages.

Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but
possessed ample
ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution.
Bobby
Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be
willing to mate with
the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have
to think the
matter over carefully. The following day, he announced
that he would
accept their offer, but only under four conditions.

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on
the lips."

The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition

2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one
about this."

The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children
raised Southern
Baptist."

Once again it was agreed.

4. And last, Bobby Lee said "I'll need another week to
come up with
the
$500.00