I have been kinda MIA lately when it comes to shout......just had to be for awhile. I just wanted to say hi to all of my friends and say I am feeling better and am ready to get back to gossipping!!!

Who else out there remembers Jack Handey? It was one of my favorite things on Saturday Night Live. I found some Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey that I wanted to share with all of you. I thought with the new work week about to begin, you could all use some laughs :)

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Well, I hope everyone has been enjoying this nice weather. I could do without this wind today. I wanted to share a joke I got in my email recently. It cracked me up, so I hope it will bring a smile to someone's face :)

A small zoo in Tennessee obtained a very rare species
of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very
difficult to
handle.

Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the
problem. The gorilla
was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla
available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought
of

Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker
responsible for cleaning
the animal cages.

Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but
possessed ample
ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution.
Bobby
Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be
willing to mate with
the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have
to think the
matter over carefully. The following day, he announced
that he would
accept their offer, but only under four conditions.

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on
the lips."

The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition

2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one
about this."

The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children
raised Southern
Baptist."

Once again it was agreed.

4. And last, Bobby Lee said "I'll need another week to
come up with
the
$500.00

>CAKE OR BED
>
>A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
>FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
>
>HONEY,
>COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
>IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
>
>HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
>FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
>DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
>GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
>I DON'T THINK SO.
>
>FINE,
>
>THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
>WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
>IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
>
>TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
>FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
>DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
>WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
>I DON'T THINK SO
>
>FINE, SHE SAYS
>THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
>TO THE FRONT DOOR?
>THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK
>
>I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
>WANT TO FIX STEPS.
>HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
>ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
>I DON'T THINK SO.
>I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
>I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!
>
>SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
>COUPLE OF HOURS....................................
>
>HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
>HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
>TO GO HOME
>
>AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
>THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
>
>AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
>HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
>
>AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
>THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
>
>HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
>SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
>OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
>
>JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
>WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
>
>HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
>ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
>GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
>
>HE SAID,
>SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
>
>SHE REPLIED,
>HELLOOOOO...
>DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
>ON MY FOREHEAD?
>I DON'T THINK SO!!

I'M SORRY!! OKAY, A REVISION FOR ALL US NICE GIRLS!!
I'M SORRY!!

I'm sorry
that I came to see you
to tell you that I like you.

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when we were drunk.

I'm sorry
That my body's not hot enough
to "satisfy" your wants.

I'm sorry
that I tell you how I feel,
and that it totally annoys you.

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your girl".

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a bitch.

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things.

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club.

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just f**k you
like some random girl.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date.

I'm sorry
That I always comforted you when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another girl.

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new girl threw you out and left you in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend.

I'm sorry
If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new bitch comes around.

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work.

I'm sorry that you can't realize that I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care but most of all...

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore.

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am.

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your girlfriend with another guy and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for five hours one night when you were bored, instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared about you.

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talk about how you wish you could have done something different.

I am sorry that I do not know how to maintain a relationship by "The Book".

I am sorry that I may find you attractive....

I am sorry that YOU did not know how to communicate & speak up when something bothered you.

I am NOT SORRY for who I am, I may have some flaws but I definitely. out weigh them with my Drive, Humor, Strong Family Values, and my Affection..... No One Is Perfect!
Guys always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good girls out there, and they always end up with bitches who mistreat them. Well men next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in her head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a girl and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry "and add a little if I forgot something.

If you're one of the few guys with enough balls to repost, and you would never make your girl feel this way, repost as "To all the guys who look past the nice girl".